Love is inconvenience - and it’s worth it
Connection inherently requires compromise - not necessarily of values, but in all the little things it takes to help us come together: squeezing in time, moving an appointment, eating at this place instead of that one, driving an extra few minutes to pick your friend up, resetting yourself when they can't go because they're sick. It requires risk and sacrifices, sometimes small, sometimes large.
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Generally speaking, it is more convenient and more certain to do things alone. You do what you want.
When you care for someone, what you want includes them, so your world expands to find ways to make your two sets of needs and values align so you can share space and time together.
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Put yourself in the headspace of going on a trip to visit someone you care about.
If you're flying, the "ugh" points are numerous, as much as you may love traveling. Dirty bag bins at security, charger ports not working at the gate seats, construction forcing you to walk what feels like an extra mile.
There's the tiredness when you get there and the tiredness when you get home, jet lag potentially impacting your ability to relax and work for a little bit.
Maybe you had to use precious time off, ask someone you love to be inconvenienced themselves by driving you to the airport. Time where you miss your cats, you miss your comfort food, you miss your familiar bed.
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A few months ago I flew to Baltimore to meet up with friends I hadn't seen for 6 years and 1.5 years, respectively. I was vaguely overwhelmed for months by the airline rescheduling my flights multiple times, by the idea of planning work and spoons around the travel, etc. And it was all worth it for so many reasons, but my favorite was when I walked up to the glass doors in front of my friend's solo art exhibition and saw the giant printout of her show banner for the first time.
I felt so fundamentally flooded by love, pride, joy, and gratitude.
In that one moment, I saw all the messages and moments that led there; years of friendship preceding the show's existence, months of glee at getting sneak previews and requests for opinions, my friend's excitement in sharing the huge news with us for the first time, our mutual friend and I immediately, simultaneously, saying we would go to support her. Whenever it would be, however we needed to make it happen, we knew we'd be there. And that's love.
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Comprise isn't limitless, or unwavering. Sometimes things change in your relationship, or you are unable to come together due to physical/mental/life needs. My disabilities absolutely affect my ability to connect with others, including having to rework plans because I have to protect my energy and am unable to take something on, even something fun with someone I love.
But the trust that we'll find a way to come back together, that we want to, despite the 'inconvenience' that comes with making it happen - that's love. That's community. And it's worth it.
